Fall of Hope
by Lady Arcorna
Summary: A/L. The battle at Helm's Deep ends in a personal tragedy for Aragorn and Legolas. Will Legolas ever be able to feel love again?
1. Chapter 1

Fall of Hope  
  
Disclaimer: All these characters belong to the great J.R.R. Tolkien.  
  
A/N: Slightly AU. Male pregnancy, but not the happy-funny way most of these fics are. I had to deal with loss and death myself, recently, so this may be a bit depressing.  
  
(Legolas' POV)  
  
Gone.  
  
I felt like a leaf in a great storm; alone and lost, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to.  
  
Aragorn was dead.  
  
I couldn't believe it. It couldn't be real. The only person I had ever loved couldn't be dead. Not Aragorn ... please ... no ...  
  
I wanted to scream, wanted to cry. This was not right! He couldn't be dead. Not now. Not like this. There was still so much we hadn't done together. And there was something I had to tell him. Something that I couldn't deny any longer. But it was all meaningless now.  
  
I couldn't cry now, though. This was not the time or the place to do so. I stood at that cliff and stared down at the river until the King ordered everyone to walk on and so I did.  
  
I stumbled through this endless nightmare until we reached Helm's Deep. There wasn't really much to do for me. I sat down in a corner in the King's Hall, alone except for Gimli. I felt sick and my stomach hurt. Oh, Aragorn, if only you knew that new life is growing inside me. I can feel it and although it is a wonderful feeling it kills me inside that you will never know.  
  
I got up and walked out of the Hall. I heard cheerful voices and hope rose inside my heart. Maybe ... maybe this meant the impossible. Maybe Aragorn had returned from the dead ...?  
  
Then he walked up to me. Wounded, but still proud and wonderful in any way possible.  
  
"You're late," I managed to say.  
  
All I wanted to do was to throw myself into his arms and cry at his chest. He was back! He was alive. I hadn't lost him! It was as hard to believe that he was alive as it had been to accept that he was dead. He looked at me with so much love in his eyes. I wanted to hand him the Evenstar after I had told him how terrible he looked. He shook his head and closed my fingers around it.  
  
"Keep it. Its light will shine brighter when you have it."  
  
I swallowed. The fact that he gave away the Evenstar meant that he had cut off the connection between Arwen and him. That he was mine now. I felt warm and happy with hope. No matter how this battle or the whole war would go, I knew that Aragorn loved me.  
  
We won. It was unbelievable, but we did. While I slowly walked back to the King's Hall I saw my kin. So many of them had found a cruel end at Helm's Deep; I felt sick again as I walked by the dead. My stomach hurt again and the whole world was spinning around and about. I fell to my knees, embracing myself. I had worried voices around me, but then darkness got a hold of me and I heard them no more.  
  
When I woke up again I lay on a pile of blankets. My whole body hurt, especially my stomach. I put a hand on it. It felt so empty; before I had always felt my child's presence, but now there was nothing.  
  
I looked around for someone to help, to tell me what had happened. At my side I found Mithrandir.  
  
"Mithrandir," I whispered. "What happened? Where's my baby?"  
  
"My dear Legolas," he began. "I fear you lost it. The thought of Aragorn's death, the battle ... that was all too much for you in this state."  
  
I felt like the whole world was crashing down on me.  
  
Dead ... it was dead ...  
  
I hadn't lost Aragorn, but our child. Finally the tears came. I let them flow and did not even try to hold them back. It was all so unfair. Why was this happening to me?! WHY?!  
  
Why did time and fate always have to destroy my hope shortly after I had gained it?  
  
  
  
(Aragorn's POV)  
  
Gandalf came out to me and told me to go and comfort Legolas. My legs felt heavier with every step I took. I couldn't see Legolas sad. I loved him. I had known that for a very long time, but I had also loved Arwen. Not anymore.  
  
I opened the door to a small chamber beside the King's Great Hall and walked in.  
  
There he was.  
  
Not the proud and beautiful Prince of Mirkwood, but a broken shadow of what he had used to be.  
  
I wrapped my arms around him, carefully, not to hurt him and rocked him.  
  
"Don't cry, Legolas, I'm here," I whispered.  
  
He didn't even look up. "I know what happened and I feel sorry. If only you had told me sooner. I would have never let you fight here."  
  
That caught his attention and he looked up. "There was never time to tell you. There was hardly time for me at all and don't you dare act like you actually care! I know what you have to think now."  
  
He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Evenstar. "That belongs to you, I think. Give it back to your Lady."  
  
He pushed me away. He had gotten so weak ... I felt tears in my eyes, but ignored them.  
  
"Legolas, that is not fair. You know that I love you and I won't take a present back nor would Arwen. Besides that I love you and not her."  
  
"There's a difference between love and feeling responsible," he replied and curled up. "Leave me alone."  
  
I got up and walked out, but I had left my heart behind.  
  
  
  
Should I continue or not ...? 


	2. Chapter 2

Fall of Hope  
  
Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to Tolkien.  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews!  
  
(Legolas' POV)  
  
I didn't know why I had said what I had said. Of course I loved Aragorn, but my baby's death made everything so senseless. Aragorn made me angry somehow. He hadn't cared about my health before and now he was making a fuss of something that was over before it had really started. I cried myself to sleep, but nightmares kept following me and I woke up soon.  
  
I felt a hand on my arm and hoped ... no ... expected to see Aragorn, but it was Mithrandir.  
  
"Legolas, why are you hurting yourself so much?", he wanted to know. "You have suffered more than enough. Why won't you let yourself be comforted?"  
  
"Not by him," I whispered. "Does he love me, Mithrandir? Can you tell?"  
  
The old wizard looked at me, worried. "He does. That is all I wish to say to this. Never doubt him or yourself again." He got up.  
  
"Where are you going to?" I didn't want to be alone.  
  
"I need to talk to Théoden," Mithrandir replied. "Do you wish company?"  
  
"Not Aragorn."  
  
"What about me then?", I heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Gimli!"  
  
"How are you, Master Elf?"  
  
"Better ... I think." I managed to smile a bit for the dwarf. No need to make him worry. I couldn't hide anything from Mithrandir. He knew what I was thinking. Like Aragorn. Aragorn was almost able to read my mind.  
  
I started crying again. I didn't want to, but it happened, anyway. Gimli was rather helpless; dwarves don't know how to handle emotions.  
  
(Aragorn's POV)  
  
It was hard to keep my mind on talking to Théoden when all I really wanted was to go back to Legolas and talk to him. To make him see how much I loved him and how much I needed him.  
  
Oh, how I wished. He had to love me again. I sighed, deeply. I didn't care if anyone heard it or not. Gandalf put a hand on my arm.  
  
"You may go and talk to him," he said.  
  
I smiled, gratefully and walked off to Legolas' chamber. I hesitated to open the door, though. What if he still wasn't willing to talk to me? What if he hated me now? I sighed again. No, it was better not to go in and so I walked away.  
  
(Legolas' POV)  
  
Two days had passed and in my heart I felt that I was waiting for something. I felt so anxious.  
  
In fact I knew what I was waiting for: Aragorn.  
  
I wanted him to come and take me into his arms, I wanted him to tell me that everything would be all right.  
  
He never came.  
  
It hurt, but somehow I could understand. Soon he would be King of Gondor and he did not need another male at his side, but a Queen who could give birth to his children. Obviously I couldn't for I had lost his child. I felt guilty about this. Of course I shouldn't have gone into that battle. Of course I shouldn't have ...  
  
"Master Elf," Gimli spoke up. "Do you honestly think it is any good for you to lie around here and feel sorry for yourself?"  
  
I glared at him. "What do you know, Gimli?! Dwarves don't feel the way..."  
  
"... Elves do! Yes, you have told me about that many, many times, but you do not need to be an Elf to see when somebody needs help! Gandalf says that your body has recovered. You can go up. You can't stay here and avoid Aragorn for the rest of your life. Sooner or later you will have to face Aragorn and it would be better to do it soon. The war goes on and he will be needed. **You** will be needed."  
  
"I know, Gimli," I replied, silently. "But it's so hard to forget."  
  
"Nobody wants you to forget. But you have to distract yourself to get over this." The dwarf's voice was softer now. "You are my friend, Legolas, and I want you to feel better. I really do."  
  
Gimli had never said my name before and this meant that he was really worried.  
  
"All right. I will get up," I promised.  
  
And so I did, but a shadow had fallen over my heart and all my hope was gone. 


	3. Chapter 3

Fall of Hope  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.  
  
A/N: -  
  
Chapter 3 (Legolas' POV)  
  
  
  
  
  
After another day I decided to leave my chambers, there was no use in staying there; Gimli was right. I still didn't want to see Aragorn, though. He had left me when I needed him the most and that was just not right. Not at all. I loved him, yes, but ... things had changed somehow.  
  
"Are you sure that you can walk?", Gimli asked.  
  
I nodded and smiled. "I am. I'm fine, Gimli." He muttered something into his beard and took my hand, anyway, just in case. We looked ridiculous, I guess. A dwarf with an Elf. I smiled to myself. Gimli usually acted like he didn't care about me at all, but then sometimes he did and said things that let me know that he was my friend.  
  
At first we just met Mithrandir and the King, but then ... well, then we met Aragorn. It was a moment of magic: We both stopped walking, gazing into each other's eyes. In that moment I wished to kiss him, to hold him, to love him, but no. I didn't do any of these things.  
  
"How are you?", he gently asked.  
  
"Better," I replied, coldly. "Gimli, let's go."  
  
I pulled Gimli with me and although he was strong he couldn't really do anything against that.  
  
"Where are we going, Master Elf?", he asked. "This was **not** supposed to happen that way. I wanted you two to ..." He stopped.  
  
"Gimli? You planned on our meeting, didn't you?" I was talking to him like a mother to a stubborn child.  
  
"You two are acting so ... so ..." He was at a loss for words. "Why won't you see that you're meant to be together?"  
  
"Gondor will need a Queen later and I can't be a Queen."  
  
The Dwarf shook his head; he was not happy with this at all.  
  
(Aragorn's POV)  
  
I should have known better than to listen to Gimli. He had tried to help, but he made everything worse, I feared. Legolas hadn't been very friendly and somehow I could understand it. I hadn't visited him at all. Of course I had been really busy and this war was not over yet, but still ... There is always time if you look for it.  
  
I wanted to run after him, but just when I took the first step he turned around and I did not like how he looked at me. Cold. Sad. Hurt.  
  
I sighed. Probably there was nothing I could do right now. Wounds need their time to heal, especially when they are wounds like this.  
  
But ... I also feel anger.  
  
Legolas should have told me earlier! I felt tears well up in my eyes and quickly wiped them away. It had been my baby, too, after all. I felt the loss, the pain ... Legolas had been the one to carry the child, but that didn't mean that I couldn't feel sad about it. I loved Legolas so much and I loved our baby, although it was dead now.  
  
I sat down on the stone steps that led to the hall and covered my face with my hands. I'm helpless now and I hate this feeling. I hate it so much!  
  
Orcs I can fight. Nazgul? Maybe. But not this. Not this ...  
  
But I'm not allowed to cry. Not now or ever. Be a man, be strong!  
  
(Legolas` POV)  
  
There he sat. I had returned to my chambers and now I'm watching him. I can sense his distress and I worry about him. He was a strong man and I doubted that he would ever fall as deep as I had, but he was wounded. I wanted to go out and wrap my arms around him, wanted to comfort him and wanted to be comforted in return, but no. My legs refused to carry me and I had to stay where I was. Gimli walked in; his face was red and he was definitely angry. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up.  
  
"HOW LONG?!", he roared.  
  
"What do you mean?", I asked.  
  
"How long will you do this to him?! He suffers, isn't that obvious you fool of an Elf! He needs you just as much as you need him and if you don't want to see that then I-I-I ..."  
  
The dwarf was at a loss for words.  
  
"Gimli," I said. "I need to do what is best for him and what is best for Middle Earth. I will leave him. Right now. Maybe I will return some day, but most likely I won't."  
  
Gimli nodded; he was still angry, but he did not want to hold me back as I had feared.  
  
"You won't go alone, though. I will come with you, Master Elf."  
  
I smiled. "I expected that. We will just take one horse and leave now," I said.  
  
Two hours later I had packed everything, including the dwarf, and climbed on my horse. Before I fully realized what I was about to do my horse was already out of the gate and on its way towards ... well, where ever we would go to.  
  
"Where are we going?", Gimli asked.  
  
"I don't know," I replied. "We can't go to Rivendell and we can't go to Mirkwood."  
  
I couldn't face my father now; he really loved me and he would have known what was wrong with me.  
  
"Lórien," I finally said. "That's the only place we can go to."  
  
Gimli was pleased. "We will see Lady Galadriel again!"  
  
"Yes, we will." I forced the horse to run faster than it really could and so we were out of Aragorn's reach before night fall.  
  
My heart was heavy with grief and hope seemed to be far away, but it was better like this. 


End file.
